Editor’s note: This story is part of the annual Mosaic Journalism Workshop for Bay Area high school students, a two-week intensive course at journalism. Students in this year’s virtual program report and photograph real stories under the guidance of professional journalists.

Maria, 15, of San Jose is having a hard time coming out to her parents. It is a scary feeling, and she is not sure if she is ready to do it yet.

Maria, who is a lesbian, has been out to her friends since the sixth grade. Now, she is waiting for the right time — if there is one — to tell her parents.

Maria says that her parents are homophobic. She fears that if she told them, they would reject her or kick her out.

For LGBTQ+ teens, coming out to their parents is fraught with danger. If they hear their parents make unpleasant remarks on the LGBTQ+ community, they struggle with the fear of being abandoned by their own families. Even if their parents have said that they are tolerant, it confuses some teens who have also picked up conflicting signals from them.

“Teens who are coming out may fear that their loved ones will not embrace their identity or understand who they are,” said Rebecca Reed, a therapist at The LGBTQ+ Youth Space in San Jose.

Because it can be scary coming out to someone whose views you don’t know, LGBTQ+ teens confide most in other LGBTQ+ teens. Nationally, around 93% of them are out to their LGBTQ+ friends, while only 68% are out to their parents, according to The Trevor Project’s 2019 National Survey on LGBTQ+ Mental Health.

Teens who are not out to their parents often aren’t able to talk to them about the problems they face. Only 31% of these teens say there is an adult in their family they can talk to when they’re sad, versus 63% of teens who are out to their families, according to the Human Rights Campaign’s 2012 National Coming Out Day Report.

Maria’s parents make harsh comments on the LGBTQ+ community.

“They say rude comments like ‘oh gross’ or ‘they’re not supposed to dress like that,’” Maria said.

Maria worries that if she comes out, her parents will not love her anymore.

To protect their privacy, Mosaic is not using the real names of any of the teenagers interviewed for this story.

Like Maria, Rubi, a 15-year-old pansexual from San Jose, is not out to her parents, who are Roman Catholic. Her mom has told her she would not support any of her children if they were LGBTQ+ because it goes against her religion. Rubi fears that if she is open about her sexuality, her parents will try to convert her.

Some parents may bluntly show that they are homophobic, while others give mixed signals or none at all.

Kai, a 15-year-old transgender boy from San Jose, came out to his family three weeks ago. They were talking about quarantine, friendships, and what ifs. When he started asking what if questions about changing his body and name, his parents caught on to what he was trying to say.

His parents said they were supportive of him, but they also gave mixed signals. Kai’s mom said that she would not pay for his transition. This hurt Kai. He was a sobbing mess by this point.

His family comforted him.

“My dad hugged me and my brother and mom told me it was OK and to just breathe. They made it easier, because I felt like I was drowning in my own fear of rejection,” Kai said.

Still, Kai said he wasn’t sure how his mom or dad felt. He said his dad didn’t look at Kai. His mom had unreadable facial expressions.

“Often, parents have to go through their own grieving process due to losing who they expected their child to be,” Reed said.

Flor, a 15-year-old bisexual from San Jose, is not out to her parents because she does not know where they stand. They push gender norms on her, but they don’t insist on them. Flor’s mom tells her to wear dresses because she is a girl, but doesn’t order her.

“My‌ ‌parents‌ ‌are‌ ‌weird. ‌It’s‌ ‌like‌ ‌they‌ ‌care‌ ‌but‌ ‌they‌ ‌also‌ ‌don’t‌ ‌care,‌ ‌which‌ ‌makes‌ ‌it‌ ‌harder‌ ‌for‌ ‌me‌ ‌to‌ ‌come‌ ‌out,” Flor said.

She is out to her older sister. Her sister had assured her in the past that whether she liked guys or girls, she would be supportive. It was still scary to come out to her.

“I was nervous, that was for sure. I felt like my face was scrunching up, but I don’t really remember. I was fiddling with my earbuds out of the nerves,” Flor said.

It was a relief to Flor that her sister was genuinely happy for her.

In the end, that’s what all LGBTQ+ teens want, Reed said.

“All people want to be accepted and loved for exactly who they are.”

Cassandra Rosales is a rising sophomore at Cristo Rey San José Jesuit High School.